I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
