he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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