I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
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I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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