i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
