you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
