she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
