I like my sex mixed with concussions.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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