There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
