You can't motorboat a personality
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize