I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
