I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
