i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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