I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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