were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
