Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
