Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
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