It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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