After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
