So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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