Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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