sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
