WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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