we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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