My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
