im six kinds of drunk right now
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
