i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
time to smoke my breakfast
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
