He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize