Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
