i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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