his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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