My first STD was from a foam party
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
