oh god the rape fog is back!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Everclear isn't food dammit
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
