I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
