i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
How's work?
Spinning.
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
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I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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