week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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