If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize