Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
