Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
