ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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