he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
