I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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