Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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