Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She needs sedatives and a leash
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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