we have officially lost it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Randomize
