That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
