It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
