so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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