he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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