i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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