the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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