I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i would punch a child for taco bell
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
