This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
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I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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