did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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