Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I need moral support for this bender
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
