you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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