It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize