umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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