Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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