I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
