Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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