In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
