It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sext me about skeletons
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize